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Tips for the New Year

Michael Haarer


This Christmas on Emily's family's farmstead.
This Christmas on Emily's family's farmstead.

What a year of change 2024 was. For many years now, I have absolutely relished the turning of the New Year. It’s one of my favorite times of year because it feels like the next year is a blank slate. It’s a fresh canvas and I get to dream and envision what I want it to look like. 


At this time last year, I had no idea what the future held. That my place of work would close in just three short months. That we would move out of the only home my three girls had ever known. That my family and I would embark on a traveling adventure that would take us to 14 states in three months. 


What in the world might this next year hold? 


As I look to the future, I realize that how I look at the past has a lot to do with how I face the future. If I see last year’s events as bad things that happened to me, I face next year with fear.


What else might happen that I’m not planning on? 


Or, if I look at the past as opportunities for learning and growth, then I face next year with excitement and determination.


What other new opportunities lie ahead of me? 


How we process our experiences is everything when it comes to moving forward. Is it happening to me or for me? Am I a victim in my life or an active participant in a journey of learning, growth, and discovery? 


How about you? How are you processing your events and experiences from the past year? What do you need to grieve, reframe, explore, or celebrate? 


Embrace this opportunity to go into next year with fresh eyes and boldness to go after what you want and need for your health, growth, and relationships. 


Healthy Family Dynamics


For some families I’ve been working with in the past few months, I put together a list of tips and reminders for healthy family relationships. I hope you’ll find this information helpful as you go launch into this new year with confidence.

 

  • Always marry GRACE and TRUTH. It’s the consistent integration of grace and truth over time that leads to healing and growth. If you have to confront someone or set a boundary, remember to first put yourself in a position of grace. If you are extending grace and care to someone, remember the importance of setting boundaries and knowing your limits. 


  • Emphasize listening versus getting your point across. We are naturally geared toward wanting to be heard and prove our point. Remember in relationship to put yourself in a posture of listening. Really listen with the intent to understand, not just enough to form your reply. 


  • Take “Time-Outs” when needed. Don’t keep pushing the point when tempers are flaring or people have reached their limits. Take a pause in order to allow people to calm their nervous systems. Come back to your difficult discussion after you’ve given each other enough time to come back at it with clarity and calm. 


  • Schedule fun. Whether this is a date for mom and dad, a date for the whole family, or a night out by yourself, it’s important to put something on the calendar and plan your fun. Especially when we’re busy or on edge, it can be hard for fun activity to be spontaneous, so plan ahead and create time for your family to do experiences that you enjoy together regularly. 


  • Create rituals for “check-ins” or processing emotion. It’s true that without intentionality, relationships don’t just drift toward health and closeness. Instead, they often build distance. Maybe it’s around the dinner table or over Saturday morning coffee, but find a way that works for your family to regularly check in and share more deeply together. 


  • No mind-reading. Everyone is responsible to share their own thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. We can’t expect others to know what’s going on inside and it’s not helpful to make assumptions about others either. 


  • Develop a family norm around giving and receiving feedback. An important key to developing a growth mindset is normalizing that feedback is good, healthy, and facilitates growth. Feedback is not meant to tear down or hurt. It’s used to build up and encourage. Foster this mindset and then practice modeling healthy giving and receiving of feedback that stimulates growth.

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